What happens when you uncover the truth about your ancestors?
What would you do if you discovered something difficult in your family history? Not just a small detail, but something that shifted how you saw yourself entirely.
In this episode of the Know Your Ancestors Podcast, I sat down with Hilary Giovale, author of Becoming a Good Relative, to explore what it really means to be in relationship with our ancestors—especially when their stories include colonization, harm, and complex legacies. This conversation moves beyond history into identity, responsibility, and the deeper question many of us carry: What do I do with what I find?
When Ancestry Becomes Personal
For Hilary, this journey didn’t begin as a simple research project. About ten years ago, she uncovered that her ancestors had arrived in North America much earlier than she had believed—and that they had participated in systems of colonization and enslavement. What followed was not just curiosity, but what she described as a profound spiritual and identity crisis.
If you’ve ever uncovered something unexpected in your own family tree, you may recognize that feeling. Genealogy isn’t just about names and dates. It’s about understanding where you come from, how that shapes you, and sometimes facing truths that are uncomfortable but important.
Why Many People Avoid Their Ancestry
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation was naming something many people experience but rarely articulate—avoidance. It can feel easier to say that the past is behind us, or that it doesn’t really have anything to do with who we are today. But as Hilary shared, these stories don’t stay neatly in history. They continue to shape systems, beliefs, and patterns in the present.
Avoiding our ancestry doesn’t protect us. It disconnects us from understanding both the past and ourselves. And without that understanding, it becomes much harder to move forward in a meaningful way.
Moving From Shame to Understanding
The alternative isn’t guilt, shame, or judgment—it’s relationship. Over time, Hilary’s perspective shifted. Instead of seeing her ancestors only through the lens of harm, she began to understand them as complex human beings shaped by their own environments, struggles, and need for survival.
As that understanding deepened, so did her capacity for compassion. Eventually, that compassion opened the door to something many people don’t expect when doing this work—love. Not a love that ignores harm, but one that allows for both truth and humanity to exist at the same time.
I’ve experienced this in my own work as well. When you begin to truly learn about your ancestors—the places they lived, the conditions they faced, the decisions they made—you start to see them differently. And in that process, you begin to see yourself differently too.
The Power of Ancestral Memory
We also explored the idea of ancestral memory—something that can feel difficult to explain but deeply real when experienced. Hilary described visiting Scotland, where her ancestors once lived, and feeling an immediate sense of familiarity, as though her body recognized the land before her mind could explain it.
I’ve felt something similar in my own experience visiting Wales, where generations of my ancestors lived. There was a sense of belonging that went beyond interest or curiosity. It felt like connection.
When you consider that your ancestors lived in relationship with specific lands, climates, languages, and cultures for generations, it begins to make sense that something of that connection remains. It doesn’t disappear. It lives within you.
Ancestral Healing Is About the Present, Too
This work isn’t only about understanding the past. It’s also about how we choose to respond in the present. One of the most powerful ideas Hilary shared was asking her ancestors for help—not just in understanding their stories, but in making things right.
In her words, it’s about becoming a “good relative.” That means moving beyond awareness into action, into responsibility, and into a deeper relationship with both the past and the present. It’s about recognizing that we are part of an ongoing story, and that we have the ability to shape what comes next.
A Simple First Step
If this feels overwhelming, the invitation doesn’t have to be complicated. Hilary shared a gentle first step—create a small space in your home, light a candle, and simply introduce yourself to your ancestors. Let it be simple. Let it be quiet. Then begin to pay attention.
You don’t need to know everything. You don’t need a perfect family tree. You just need to begin.
You Are Part of the Story
Your ancestors are not just part of your past—they are part of your story. And how you choose to understand them, connect with them, and learn from them shapes who you become.
This work is not about perfection. It’s about relationship, awareness, and growth. And when you begin, even in small ways, things start to shift.
Listen to the Full Episode
Listen on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube
Connect with Hilary Giovale
Personal Reparation Plan
Book – Becoming a Good Relative
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🌿 Join the Free 3-Day Ancestor Power Challenge
If this conversation sparked something in you, this is your next step.
Join me for the FREE 3-Day Ancestor Power Challenge, happening March 31 – April 2. Inside, you’ll choose one ancestor, begin uncovering their story, and start to feel their wisdom, strength, and presence in your life today.
You don’t need a perfect family tree. You just need curiosity.
✨ Sign up here:
knowyourancestors.co/powerchallenge
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